My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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