but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
