one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
