so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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