youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
