Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
