Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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