What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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