I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
