Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
