I'm eating all of the evidence.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
