Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
