...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
