She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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