I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize