i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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