I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
