You surviving the open bar?
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This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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