If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
