Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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