I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
