Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
