i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
