Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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