i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
