i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
