if only i could text you this smell
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
