so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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