oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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