If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
