As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
