I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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