I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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