Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
