So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize