all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
