oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
operation have a gay friend backfired
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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