I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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