A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
