Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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