it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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