So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize