??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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