i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
