We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
