it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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