I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize