come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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