Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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