is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
