Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
