Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
