Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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