once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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