I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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