Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
