so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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