she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
