I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
