ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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