This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
40s are totally the cure
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
