i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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