is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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