Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
