I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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