it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
