Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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