in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
