My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
