Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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