Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
