3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're like the curious george of whores
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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