we have officially lost it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
