i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
