I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were trust falling into bushes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
