I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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