She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
