you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
