seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
