I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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