dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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