wakey wakey hands off snakey
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
