the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
